Ramneek S. Bhogal, DC, MEd, DABCI - Woodstock, GA
Stache Signal: “No Shave” November is a great time to show up.
Every November the mustaches appear, and the smiles and weird compliments arrive right behind them. Here is a different way to see them: each one is a small, hairy nudge to look around and ask who in your life might be struggling.
Think of a man you know. He has always been the steady one. The one with the answers, the calendar, the name on the door. He is excellent at carrying things and has never learned to set them down. He shows up, no matter what. Maybe something has changed for him lately. A loss, a setback, a season where life got rearranged. He still shows up. He still says he is fine. And you have a quiet feeling that he is not.
You may be the person who can reach him. Do him a favor…try.
Ask with real curiosity. "How are you?" gets "fine." Try something softer and unhurried, like "What have you been thinking about lately?" or "What are you feeling right now?" Or sometimes a way in can be, “Can you help me think through something?” Then wait. Men often need a few seconds of silence before they answer honestly. Let the silence be there, and let your interest be genuine.
Do not wait for him to ask. Men are far less likely to ask for help, and the stakes are real. Movember reports that one man dies by suicide every minute of every day around the world. Most of them never made the call. Make it for them.
Show up with something specific. "Let me know if you need anything" rarely gets used. "I'm bringing dinner Thursday" or "Tennis on Saturday?" or "Can you show me how to fix this?" does. Men often open up side by side, while doing something, far more easily than face to face.
Ask before you assume. You may not know the whole story, and he may not be ready to tell it. Be curious, not conclusive. Listen more than you advise. You do not need to fix anything. Presence is the gift.
Take the hard signs seriously. Withdrawal, drinking, tinkering in the garage alone, stonewalling. Let him know he's loved and you want to listen. Asking does not plant the idea, and it often brings relief. Use the resources in your community to help.
So this month, when you pass a mustache, let it do its job. Let it remind you to choose courage over comfort and lean in with him. Call him. Send the text. Knock on the door. A man who is quietly rebuilding his life can feel the difference between being tolerated and being welcomed back.
Grow the mustache if you like. Then grow the conversation, starting with the one man you think about most. To be loved, is to be seen.
Peak Potential Outreach 501(c)(3)